The Trouble with Wisdom Teeth
by RedAlert98
Summary: After Dick gets his wisdom teeth removed, things get extremely entertaining; apparently Graysons and anesthetics don't mix well. Super funny, No slash


Bruce escorted Dick out of the orthosurgeon's office, holding onto one arm to make sure he didn't fall. Alfred was waiting by the car, door opened and ready. Dick had just woken up a few minutes ago after having his wisdom teeth taken out, which had been extremely early in their development.

Lets not forget to mention he had been administered anesthetic, which was making things...interesting.

"Nah, Bruce, I can walk by mySELF, I feel GREAT." Dick complained, sounded out of it as he put emphasis on his words.

Bruce was obviously having a difficult time containing his laughter. He had to pick him up and put him into the car, much to the 13 year old's chagrin.

"I'm NOT a baby, geez, I feel PERFECTLY OK." Bruce was sure Dick wasn't going to remember any of this later on, so laughed as he got into the front seat. Alfred was buckling Dick up after he had shouted,

"The BUCKLE IS UNTRUSTWORTHY why don't you people ever listen to me."

"We're heading home now, alright Dick?" Bruce asked as Dick fumbled with his cell phone.  
"kay." he mumbled, "why won't the phone let me call Wally... it's PREJUDICED against me."

Alfred took the phone, gave him a stern look, and simply said, "No phonecalls."  
After a bunch of "Fine fine fine gimmeeeeeee my phone back" whines from Dick, he gave it back to him.

Closing the door and getting into the driver seat, Alfred headed back to Wayne Manor. Glancing in the overhead mirror, Bruce could see Dick fumbling with his phone.

Dick has started texting Wally, now that the phone wasn't prejudiced against him.  
D: DUDE I FEEL GREAT  
W: ...I'm happy for you..?  
D: OMG A laDy bug flew in the car WOAH  
D: HES OS CUTe  
W: ...you drunk?  
W: im assuming you are high.  
D: The ldaybug just WAVed at me gsap!  
W: what happened to you.  
D: got WISE TEETH taken out how did they beCome wise ?  
W: well that explains a lot of things.

In the front seat Bruce could hear Dick let out a small gasp, and talk to himself in a quiet voice about 'how cute he is'. He hoped he wasn't talking about Wally.

D: they took my WISE teeth out now im wisdomless oh nooooooo im gonNa FAIL EVERYTIHNG in school what AM I gonna do...  
W: don't worry dude I'll help you get wise again.  
D: im so happy youer my friend wally me mYself and i are ALL so ahppy you r our friend  
W: good to know bro  
D: THE LDYBUG just flew its like A BIRD  
D: AND RED  
D: its lkie a RObin  
W: if you say so...  
D: WOW im changing mY other name to LADYBUG  
W: theres an idea  
D: i want to show yout he ladybgu come over  
W: can be there in an hour.  
D: YAY BRING ROY  
W: ...ooookay.

In the front seat, Bruce could hear Dick singing a quiet, tuneless song which consisted of the word "Roy" over and over again.

D: wanted to cal U but ALfred wotn let me CALL u  
D: alfred secretly RULESTHE WORLD  
D: why won t alred let me call u hes JUDGING mE  
D: but makes good cookies YUM IM hungry  
W: its a mutual feeling  
D: why a short i awnna be as tall s BRUCE then i could beat him in arm wrestles XXXDDD  
W: i hear ya bro  
D: Nad i could DRIVE like WOw bruce has coooool cars like hotwheels cars HOTWEHHLES i said they r sooooo cool :O bruce is laughing at me AL L I SAYD was he shuold get a mustaChe, and then he could be a real LADY magnet  
W: he could probably rock a stache  
D: Alfred has a musthace.  
W: really.  
D: OH NO my whole entire train fo thOUGHT JUST DERAILED noooooooo there wa s no survivorrrrs

Bruce was stifling laughter as Dick told him he should get a mustache, then continuously muttered about Alfred, hotwheels, cookies, and a devastating trainwreck.

D: yuo thnk i can convince bruce to Buy a fast food chain?  
W: go for it  
D: wally wlaly waLLY if the abombilme snowman and SASQUAThc had a fight WHOD WIN  
W: put my money on sasquatch, you really shouldn't mess with him.  
D:wht if we thouht in third person tHATS SO CONFUSING whaaaatt theeeee hecccccck hapned to first and second  
W: its a mystery  
D: youd make one ugly disney Princess  
W: well thats a matter of opinion  
D: WAIT  
D: if my teeth r wise then they KNOW THNGS about me wht if they tell the office mY SEECRET ID I have to goo back  
W: don't worry they were silenced forever when they took them out, the teeth can't talk at all anymore.  
D: oh

Dick had started to sound distressed and loudly told the two adults that they are all risking exposure and to turn around to retrieve the teeth. After a moment of staring at his phone screen, he quieted down.

D: but they aer gone i mis s them now  
D: the y r all alone wht if they miss me  
W: don't worry they made friends with the other wisdom teeth there.  
D: i want to see roy get roy NOOOOWWWW  
W: we'll both be over there in about 40 minutes, you home yet?  
D: im in a car  
D: i want to see my othre friends like Atremis too  
D: yuo loooooooove her  
W: you are delusional  
D: ur like her prince chrming and shes rapnzel shes yourr girlfriend  
D: mgann is Connors grlfriend they r in loooove too  
W: ok...  
D: oh no poor Kaldur he doenst have a girlfreind  
D: aw poor Kaldur hes alone

They were almost home at this point, and Bruce was glad of it; Dick needed to go to bed and sleep the anesthetics off. He'd never seen him more out of it. The loopy 13 year old then started saying, ' poor Kaldur, nobody loves him'. Ya, pretty out of it.

D: WAIT WHY DONT I HVAE A GIRLFREIND  
W: finally you realize  
D: hey wally yuo know how you alwys hitting on girls well wuodn't it be funny if you were gay cuase then itd make no sense  
W: gay?  
D: i mean thts ridiculois why didnt you tel me yyou are gay you lied to both me and roy why would yuo do that

As they pulled up the long driveway, Dick sounded upset, muttering about lies and betrayal.

W: dude I'm not gay.  
D: why did yuo tell me you were?!  
D: WHOA THATA BIG HOUSE  
W: finally you're home  
D: you know wht bruce is goin about life the wrong way he needs to date a redhead  
W: you trying to tell me something here  
D: EW BUT NOT BARBARA shes MY friend he cnt date her  
W: glad we cleared that up.  
D: alfred said to tell you bye  
W: tell alfred i said bye back

As Alfred clicked his young charge's phone off, Dick said to him, "Wally said bye back." The butler simply nodded. Together, he and Bruce led the teen into the house, and up to his room to sleep.

About 30 minutes later, Wally and Roy were at the door of Wayne Manor. Alfred led them up to their friend's room, where Bruce was sitting by his bedside. Seeing the two redheads enter the room, Bruce got up to leave, knowing Dick would want them to be there when he woke up.

The small ebony-haired boy slept for hours, in which Wally showed Roy the text conversation (Roy had to leave the room afterwards), and Alfred periodically brought snacks.

When the youngest in the room finally opened his eyes, it was to the slightly confusing sight of 2 redheads looking at him, one smiling and one smirking. He also noticed the odd feeling in his jaw, mouth, and cheeks.

He gave them an inquiring look.

"Welcome back to the world of the sane and the living dude."

In reply, he simply groaned and pulled the covers over his head.

"Knew he'd be happy to see us," Roy quipped. 

**Okay a person CAN get that loopy coming out of wisdom teeth surgery. Trust me. Lol hope you liked the story**


End file.
